Work Fantasies

Most, if not all, of my work life has not been satisfying to me. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like/be like if that were different.

Sometimes I would have thoughts or fantasies about having a way to earn money that made me feel happy and good. These thoughts were usually accompanied by sad and wistful feelings, thinking that such a thing is not possible.

Often I would peruse school/university catalogs, thinking that maybe that would be the key or the ticket to happiness. I even got as far as applying to graduate school in Social Work. I was 41 years old at the time, and I had recently graduated from college. The hardest part was asking people for references. One of my references (former co-worker) never sent in her reference letter, which probably hurt my application, because it put me under the minimum number of references required. In any case, I wasn't accepted into graduate school, and I didn't try again.

Note: My problem is not necessarily lack of education, skills, or training. I have these, even if they are not in the areas where I might have been happier. My problem is more my inability to network, make social connections, promote & market myself, etc.

Another fantasy was careers in the arts or writing. Over the years I had written short stories, essays, and poetry, and occasionally would have them published. Usually the payment for this was a free copy of the literary magazine.

Later, when I had retired, I thought it would be fun to paint and do crafts. I have a fair amount of talent in this area- a good sense of color and design, and the ability to do innovative work. My old house was a big art installation. I had painted the walls in all different bright and unusual colors, and decorated the doors and cabinets with original paintings. I made floorcloths, baskets, fiber arts, jewelry, painted handbags, tie-dyes and other handmade things, and sold some of them.

Interestingly, the art-making started to feel like WORK. Then, I found I didn't enjoy it as much.

Here are some of my other work fantasies. Most are outside mainstream society. Mainstream society has not been a good fit for me.

- Tattoo Artist. I researched this about 25 years ago. You had to be someone's apprentice. I was too shy to ask anybody. Too bad- this field really skyrocketed, and I probably would have been pretty good at it.

- Organic Farmer/Herbalist. I've done this on a small scale, and I really enjoy this. My specialty is permaculture, although I don't have the fancy certifications that people were selling.

- Working in a Hippie Shop. This wouldn't pay well, but I would get to be in an environment that didn't suck. It would be aesthetically pleasing, and the music is nice, especially if it's Grateful Dead music.

- Bookstore Clerk, small independent low-to medium volume bookstore. I can picture myself doing that.

- Artsy Boutique Shop Clerk. (Kind of like Hippie Shop Clerk or Bookstore Clerk.)

- Hoodoo Rootworker/Psychic Reader & related gigs. I'm intuitive, and I'd be good at this. I have a fair amount of arcane knowledge.

- Aquatic Coach for Dogs. This is my current favorite job fantasy: to get paid to play with dogs in the water.