I Got Rid of Everything That Reminded Me of Jobs

I quit working for the hierarchical nonprofit corporation in 2004. I sold my house in a middle class neighborhood and bought a little tiny house with a huge yard on a blue-collar street full of potholes that looks like it should be out in the country somewhere. I wanted to be an urban farmer because vegetable gardening and chickens make me happy. I was going to have a new life.

I got rid of all my office clothes. I got rid of day planners and briefcases. I tossed all the "motivational" books like "Who Moved My Cheese?" I even divested myself of all the textbooks I studied while pursuing my BS in Management (the story of that degree is one I'll tell another time).

One time there was a guy fixing my washing machine, and he saw the world globe I had in the basement, and he commented that he wanted to get one for his kids. Naturally, since it had a little plaque affixed to it congratulating me on my 15 years of service, I was more than happy to let him take away that globe. I hope that he and his kids enjoyed it.

I had kept a huge cache of mementos from all my various work assignments, classes, seminars, and projects. One day I went through it all so I could recycle it. Some of it was rather poignant- there was a time that I worked in HR at that telecommunications company, and I was asked to give my analysis to upper management of what would help morale during all the massive downsizing, and I actually told them what I thought. None of my suggestions were implemented. I guess they went in the garbage, too.

For several years after that, I would get symptoms of anxiety when I saw objects that reminded me of offices: office-type desks, office chairs, calendars, planners, filing cabinets, etc. For some reason computers were exempt- maybe I had enough recreational associations with computers to make them seem benign or even friendly. I am just now getting to the point where that stuff doesn't bother me as much. I could probably go to a Staples or Office Depot store now. I'm pretty sure I could.

HR: Telling People That They're Out of a Job

I gravitated towards the "human" aspect of business: Human Resources, formerly known as Personnel. It seemed that people who worked in HR were helpful, kind souls who would help people decipher their company benefits, help them access training and education, and help them apply for jobs within the company. It seemed like a good direction for me.

Well, to my great dismay, my company then went into the downsizing mode, or as they euphemistically called it, "right-sizing". Getting rid of people. Getting rid of the "fat" and the "dead weight". "Doing more with less" was the motto.

My job turned into a nightmare of telling people they no longer had a job. I had to attempt to help people cope with overwhelming levels of fear and stress. Every day was another day of referring people to the EAP (Employee Assistance Plan), escorting people to the hospital emergency room, getting people into alcohol and drug treatment, calling security when someone was flipping out in the office, etc., etc. The fear and stress became a part of me.

We were told that we were expected to present the company changes and downsizing in a positive light. I couldn't really do that. That would have been a lie. I tried to subtly express with my facial expressions and my voice inflections that I thought it was a mess and an outrage. I believed that then, and I will believe that always.