Who else but me would go to a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) picnic, and then leave 20 minutes later because of an anxiety attack?
It does seem very ironic.
Maybe I could have stayed, and found someone to talk with about what was going on with me. In a way, I wish I would have done that. Maybe it would have helped. It would be nice to get over this someday.
It was especially discouraging since I hadn't had an anxiety attack in about 4 months. I really thought maybe I was attaining some sustained recovery around this. I have been going to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.) Usually if I do some breathing, drink water, and do positive self-talk, I can get past the intense feelings of panic. But this time, all I wanted to do was get out right away. I thought someone was going to notice that I was starting to feel kind of disoriented & dizzy, and I thought I had a strange expression on my face. So I just left, and when I was about a half block away, I did start to feel better, although I felt disappointed.
I have a very hard time with large groups of people in an unstructured social environment. I feel like a complete dork in these situations. I go blank on how to act and what to say. I know it's not rational, but this is what happens for me. When I go back to therapy in September, I plan to see if we can set up some exposures of this type.
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