Today I found a good website on social anxiety. The author is Larry Cohen, a licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D. C.
An interesting feature of this website is Cohen's article about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people having vulnerability to social anxiety. He outlines some of the negative core beliefs that generate social anxiety, such as "I'm fundamentally different and don't fit in," "If someone got to know the real me, they wouldn't accept me," and "I'm not good enough to be accepted by the people I admire."
If you peruse his website, you'll find a number of valuable articles, and a link to an NPR story on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for social anxiety.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Rejection Letter
The day before yesterday, I got a rejection letter for a job I applied for a few weeks ago.
Since then, I have had an increasing number of negative thoughts and a vague sense of anxiety, a feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. I try to counteract these thoughts, which reduces the tension to a lower level, but it doesn't fully go away.
I know that a big part of the problem was that I really wanted this particular job. Once a therapist suggested applying to jobs that I didn't really care if I got or not, for practice. Maybe I should try that again.
Over the past few years, whenever I would apply for jobs, I would have all sorts of bad feelings that manifest on a physical level: heartburn, dizziness, feeling like my breath is stuck and I can't catch my breath, feeling of unreality, etc. Even when I tried making phone calls to temp agencies in my therapist's office, I had to keep running to the bathroom, and had to drink a lot of water because my mouth kept going dry.
Since then, I have had an increasing number of negative thoughts and a vague sense of anxiety, a feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. I try to counteract these thoughts, which reduces the tension to a lower level, but it doesn't fully go away.
I know that a big part of the problem was that I really wanted this particular job. Once a therapist suggested applying to jobs that I didn't really care if I got or not, for practice. Maybe I should try that again.
Over the past few years, whenever I would apply for jobs, I would have all sorts of bad feelings that manifest on a physical level: heartburn, dizziness, feeling like my breath is stuck and I can't catch my breath, feeling of unreality, etc. Even when I tried making phone calls to temp agencies in my therapist's office, I had to keep running to the bathroom, and had to drink a lot of water because my mouth kept going dry.
Another Weird Work Dream
I hadn't had any bad or weird dreams involving workplaces lately, but I had one last night.
In this dream, I was required to take a qualifying test for some reason which hadn't been fully explained. The manager was one of my old co-workers, who was an uptight and workaholic type person.
To take the test, I had to go into a small, hot, windowless room. I asked if the test would be based on what we studied in training, and the manager said, "No, it's about your general knowledge."
The test itself was composed of random, multicolored pieces of glossy paper that looked like advertising flyers. The flyers had different questions printed on them- you had to look very carefully to find the questions. I don't recall the questions now. The pieces kept falling to the floor, and then I would pick them up and return them to the table.
So, I answered all the questions, and then went into a huge conference room with an enormous table surrounded by office-type chairs. The manager called me to the head of the table where she was sitting, and told me I didn't pass the test. I missed one question; a 96% was required to pass, and I had a score of 94%.
I asked the manager which question I had missed, and she produced a light blue glossy piece of paper with a picture of a dolphin, and told me "You forgot to answer this one." (For some reason, the symbology of dolphins has something to do with missed opportunities and unrealized fulfillment for me. I have had this come up in dreams before.)
I asked what the test would be used for; she was vague, and said, "Well, that depends....." I then reminded her of my upcoming departure date from the company, and I asked her if the test would be useful for anything else. She looked thoughtful for a moment, and said, "Well, I'm not really sure."
The last part of the dream I remember was that I was looking for the exit, and couldn't find it.
In this dream, I was required to take a qualifying test for some reason which hadn't been fully explained. The manager was one of my old co-workers, who was an uptight and workaholic type person.
To take the test, I had to go into a small, hot, windowless room. I asked if the test would be based on what we studied in training, and the manager said, "No, it's about your general knowledge."
The test itself was composed of random, multicolored pieces of glossy paper that looked like advertising flyers. The flyers had different questions printed on them- you had to look very carefully to find the questions. I don't recall the questions now. The pieces kept falling to the floor, and then I would pick them up and return them to the table.
So, I answered all the questions, and then went into a huge conference room with an enormous table surrounded by office-type chairs. The manager called me to the head of the table where she was sitting, and told me I didn't pass the test. I missed one question; a 96% was required to pass, and I had a score of 94%.
I asked the manager which question I had missed, and she produced a light blue glossy piece of paper with a picture of a dolphin, and told me "You forgot to answer this one." (For some reason, the symbology of dolphins has something to do with missed opportunities and unrealized fulfillment for me. I have had this come up in dreams before.)
I asked what the test would be used for; she was vague, and said, "Well, that depends....." I then reminded her of my upcoming departure date from the company, and I asked her if the test would be useful for anything else. She looked thoughtful for a moment, and said, "Well, I'm not really sure."
The last part of the dream I remember was that I was looking for the exit, and couldn't find it.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Practicing Social Skills
One of my current personal goals is to improve my level of social skills. Specifically, I want to be able to meet new people comfortably, feel less self-conscious, and be able to make conversation with people.
I mostly do OK with people I already know, especially if they are friends of mine.
"New" people includes people that I have previously met, but that I do not know particularly well yet.
My usual social experience is to worry before a social event (what will happen, will people like me, maybe I should just stay home, etc.). Then, I feel anxious during the social event (wondering when to say something, being unsure if I am being socially acceptable, feeling self-conscious, feeling out of place, etc.). Finally, I worry after the social event is over (whether something I said was the wrong thing to have said, whether someone was rejecting me, maybe I should just not go back in the future, etc.) Needless to say, this pretty much sucks the life out of socializing! The anxiety occurs before, during, and after any social event.
I have more anxiety during unstructured interactions than structured interactions. For example, if I am in a class, most of that is pretty structured, so there's less anxiety for me in that type of situation. The more I know what to expect, and the more limited the interactions, the better I tend to feel about it.
The other day I went to a social gathering where many of the people were fairly new to me. I went there with the specific idea of going to a relatively unstructured social gathering. I played Scrabble there and talked to people a bit. There were a few times when I noticed how quiet I was. I felt bad about winning the game when I knew someone else really cared about winning a lot more than I did.
I'm going to try doing this again soon. I think it will help my social anxiety and probably my work-related anxieties as well.
I mostly do OK with people I already know, especially if they are friends of mine.
"New" people includes people that I have previously met, but that I do not know particularly well yet.
My usual social experience is to worry before a social event (what will happen, will people like me, maybe I should just stay home, etc.). Then, I feel anxious during the social event (wondering when to say something, being unsure if I am being socially acceptable, feeling self-conscious, feeling out of place, etc.). Finally, I worry after the social event is over (whether something I said was the wrong thing to have said, whether someone was rejecting me, maybe I should just not go back in the future, etc.) Needless to say, this pretty much sucks the life out of socializing! The anxiety occurs before, during, and after any social event.
I have more anxiety during unstructured interactions than structured interactions. For example, if I am in a class, most of that is pretty structured, so there's less anxiety for me in that type of situation. The more I know what to expect, and the more limited the interactions, the better I tend to feel about it.
The other day I went to a social gathering where many of the people were fairly new to me. I went there with the specific idea of going to a relatively unstructured social gathering. I played Scrabble there and talked to people a bit. There were a few times when I noticed how quiet I was. I felt bad about winning the game when I knew someone else really cared about winning a lot more than I did.
I'm going to try doing this again soon. I think it will help my social anxiety and probably my work-related anxieties as well.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Trying to Overcome Ergophobia
I thought I'd do a brief update on various things I am doing in an effort to deal with my ergophobia. Here are some of these things:
- Temporary part-time job. I'm doing this now. So far, so good. It is more of an exposure experience for me than a "real job", as it is not sustainable in terms of living wage or sufficient hours. Still, it's a good start. Thankfully my savings are not totally gone yet, and fortunately I have a supportive life partner.
- Volunteering. I have done this for about a year. I have had many experiences of social fear and anxiety, but I keep trying again.
- Health habits: I am trying to eat healthfully and exercise. I also take a number of vitamins and nutritional supplements, and I try to drink enough water and other healthful beverages.
- Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, weekly. Some of it has addressed my agoraphobic symptoms, for example, I have practiced these activities: driving to unfamiliar places outside my comfort zone, riding public transportation, and calling temp agencies on the phone.
- Support groups and classes through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness.)
- Reading books and pamphlets about anxiety, depression, health, social skills development, etc.
- Vocational Rehabilitation: Just started recently. Getting started with them is a VERY slow process.
- Social Skills Development: I have decided to look for ways to improve my social skills.
- Temporary part-time job. I'm doing this now. So far, so good. It is more of an exposure experience for me than a "real job", as it is not sustainable in terms of living wage or sufficient hours. Still, it's a good start. Thankfully my savings are not totally gone yet, and fortunately I have a supportive life partner.
- Volunteering. I have done this for about a year. I have had many experiences of social fear and anxiety, but I keep trying again.
- Health habits: I am trying to eat healthfully and exercise. I also take a number of vitamins and nutritional supplements, and I try to drink enough water and other healthful beverages.
- Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, weekly. Some of it has addressed my agoraphobic symptoms, for example, I have practiced these activities: driving to unfamiliar places outside my comfort zone, riding public transportation, and calling temp agencies on the phone.
- Support groups and classes through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness.)
- Reading books and pamphlets about anxiety, depression, health, social skills development, etc.
- Vocational Rehabilitation: Just started recently. Getting started with them is a VERY slow process.
- Social Skills Development: I have decided to look for ways to improve my social skills.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Social Phobia Doll
When I was little, my parents gave me a doll called Shrinking Violette. Shrinking Violette was a talking doll- pull the string, and her mouth would move, and she would say "I'm afraid to talk to people", "I'm just afraid of everything!" "People are always so BIG!", and "I have butterflies in my tummy."
Looking back, I really wonder why my mom would think this was an appropriate present for me- I didn't even like dolls. I liked stuffed animals. Maybe she thought I would be able to relate to Violette?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Underearners Anonymous
Yes, there really is a group called Underearners Anonymous, or UA, I guess.
Of course, I had to check this thing out, and I would definitely qualify for membership!
I wonder how many of the UA folks have ergophobia or social anxiety? I would imagine there would be quite a few that do.
Maybe I'll look into this. Or maybe not.....here's the link:
Underearners Anonymous Website
Of course, I had to check this thing out, and I would definitely qualify for membership!
I wonder how many of the UA folks have ergophobia or social anxiety? I would imagine there would be quite a few that do.
Maybe I'll look into this. Or maybe not.....here's the link:
Underearners Anonymous Website
High Anxiety Because I Applied For a Job
On Friday I applied for a job that I am actually very interested in having.
Since then, I have had a very disturbing constant undercurrent of anxiety as I go about my daily activities. Let's see if I can describe the feelings. First of all, I find myself trying not to think about it, because of the anxiety and negative thoughts that may arise. Despite my attempt to suppress it, I have thoughts pop up constantly like, "I need better interview clothes", "I have no idea what I would say in an interview", "Maybe the job would be too difficult for me", "They probably wouldn't want to hire me", "I'm crazy", etc., etc. Then, I have moments of complete mental blankness, and forgetfulness, more than usual. And then more anxious thoughts of all kinds start to come in: past failures, thoughts and perceptions that may have been inaccurate, thoughts about my various physical ailments and health problems, etc. It makes me want to shut my brain off entirely.
One thing that helped was watching a YouTube video with a really silly song. It was "Clint Eastwood Talking to a Chair". The silly song got stuck in my head, which crowded out the bad yucky job thoughts.
Since then, I have had a very disturbing constant undercurrent of anxiety as I go about my daily activities. Let's see if I can describe the feelings. First of all, I find myself trying not to think about it, because of the anxiety and negative thoughts that may arise. Despite my attempt to suppress it, I have thoughts pop up constantly like, "I need better interview clothes", "I have no idea what I would say in an interview", "Maybe the job would be too difficult for me", "They probably wouldn't want to hire me", "I'm crazy", etc., etc. Then, I have moments of complete mental blankness, and forgetfulness, more than usual. And then more anxious thoughts of all kinds start to come in: past failures, thoughts and perceptions that may have been inaccurate, thoughts about my various physical ailments and health problems, etc. It makes me want to shut my brain off entirely.
One thing that helped was watching a YouTube video with a really silly song. It was "Clint Eastwood Talking to a Chair". The silly song got stuck in my head, which crowded out the bad yucky job thoughts.
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