I thought I'd do a brief update on various things I am doing in an effort to deal with my ergophobia. Here are some of these things:
- Temporary part-time job. I'm doing this now. So far, so good. It is more of an exposure experience for me than a "real job", as it is not sustainable in terms of living wage or sufficient hours. Still, it's a good start. Thankfully my savings are not totally gone yet, and fortunately I have a supportive life partner.
- Volunteering. I have done this for about a year. I have had many experiences of social fear and anxiety, but I keep trying again.
- Health habits: I am trying to eat healthfully and exercise. I also take a number of vitamins and nutritional supplements, and I try to drink enough water and other healthful beverages.
- Therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, weekly. Some of it has addressed my agoraphobic symptoms, for example, I have practiced these activities: driving to unfamiliar places outside my comfort zone, riding public transportation, and calling temp agencies on the phone.
- Support groups and classes through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness.)
- Reading books and pamphlets about anxiety, depression, health, social skills development, etc.
- Vocational Rehabilitation: Just started recently. Getting started with them is a VERY slow process.
- Social Skills Development: I have decided to look for ways to improve my social skills.
I have had a lifelong problem with this issue. I am also an alcoholic and found relief from that with AA and the 12 steps. I found my way, eventually to debtors anonymous where there was much talk of underearning, This was in New York City. A new 12 step program, Underearners anonymous emerged. I also found that workaholics anonymous offers help for work-aversion and work-anorexia as well as ordinary workaholism.
ReplyDeleteThis idea of a work bulemia seemed fitting to me. I seemed to work that way. I hated work, but was just forced to do it so I worked until I couldn't stand it and then stopped in a binge and purge sort of cycle.
The 12 step programs certainly comforted me but going to meetings alone didn't do much for me. I just couldn't seem to shift that fundamental aversion I had for work.
The thing that finally changed it was a 90 day round of back-to-basics 12 step meetings. Every day we worked the steps, going through all 12 in 4 days, then repeating that again and again. I've never done anything so intense in my life. I was able to find a point in my life where I equated work with my experiences of being abused in elementary school. I had not realized the significance of that.
Of course, insight alone is not enough, but the extreme 12 step process provided me with the rest of what I needed. I now have a job. I enjoy it a great deal and I am earning well.