One of the major contributing factors to my ergophobia is my fear of being evaluated or judged. This includes not only performance evaluations and testing situations, but virtually any situation in which I feel that another person is assessing me in any way.
I feel very self-conscious when I perceive this to be happening. It also worries me. I often think the other person might have inaccurate ideas about me. Sometimes I also am concerned about the other person's accurate perceptions about me: that there may be things about me that could result in their poor treatment of me.
Sometimes I have a strong desire to just disappear or become invisible.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Dumb Interview/Screening Questions
Tonight I decided to take a look at some job ads on Craigslist just to see what might be out there. In a job for a cleaning company, the hiring manager requested that applicants send an email with answers to several questions.
The question that made me laugh out loud was, "What does a sense of urgency mean to you?"
To me, it means I need to find the bathroom fast!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
"Office jobs are......"
It's fun to play with Google. I sometimes enjoy entering random phrases or strings of words, just to see what comes up. Google is my oracle (oracle as in fortune teller- Oracle of Delphi- not the software company.)
A few minutes ago, I entered "office jobs are" into Google.
Google immediately translated this into the following suggestions:
office jobs are boring
office jobs are depressing
office jobs are terrible
office jobs are so boring
The first entries below these suggestions are:
Weird...these are pretty much my thoughts on the subject. But does it have to be that way? I really think it doesn't. I think this should change.
A few minutes ago, I entered "office jobs are" into Google.
Google immediately translated this into the following suggestions:
office jobs are boring
office jobs are depressing
office jobs are terrible
office jobs are so boring
The first entries below these suggestions are:
How can people with boring office jobs enjoy them so much? - Yahoo ...
answers.yahoo.com › All Categories › Arts & Humanities › PhilosophyCached
10 answers - Aug 6, 2011
Top answer: Bahaha vanilla, sure. Because an office job is so hard to get. I think the reason is that these people aren't especially intelligent. They're not talented ...
Is office work always boring or not? - 2 answers - Jun 3, 2009Can anyone tell me some boring office jobs? - 2 answers - Jan 8, 2009At 9-5 boring office jobs, is it easy to slack off ? - 6 answers - Nov 9, 2008Why are office jobs so boring? - 6 answers - Jul 30, 2006
Get more discussion results
Anyone else work a boring, dull office job? - Ultimate Metal Forum
www.ultimatemetal.com › ... › Heavy Metal Forums › Andy Sneap › BarCached
40 posts - 14 authors - Jun 17, 2009
I do, and I feel like laying my head down and sleeping at the moment. The boredom and general stir-craziness that consume me on a daily ...Get more discussion results
Weird...these are pretty much my thoughts on the subject. But does it have to be that way? I really think it doesn't. I think this should change.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
"She Probably Thinks I'm a Dumb Clerical Person"
As I've mentioned previously, I managed to get a part-time job. For the most part, this is a good thing. Does this mean I'm not ergophobic any more? Definitely not!
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I have learned to watch for negative thoughts, especially negative self talk. When I find that I am engaging in negative self talk, I try to redirect my thoughts to a more positive outlook.
For example, I was thinking about a new co-worker, and I thought, "She probably thinks I'm a dumb clerical person." Do I have any real evidence of this? No, I don't. If she's not seeking me out, maybe she's busy, or perhaps she's shy herself.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I have learned to watch for negative thoughts, especially negative self talk. When I find that I am engaging in negative self talk, I try to redirect my thoughts to a more positive outlook.
For example, I was thinking about a new co-worker, and I thought, "She probably thinks I'm a dumb clerical person." Do I have any real evidence of this? No, I don't. If she's not seeking me out, maybe she's busy, or perhaps she's shy herself.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Fear of Work, or Fear of the Workplace?
Many sources describe ergophobia as "fear of work." To me, this is not quite accurate.
If ergophobia was simply "fear of work," the sufferer would not do much of anything, and they would fear purposeful activities in general. This might be seen as laziness or being amotivational.
If ergophobia was the "fear of work," would the person with ergophobia mow their lawn, get their dishes done, do their laundry, wash the dog, or make home repairs? These activities are work, aren't they?
I submit that ergophobia is more precisely defined as "fear of employment", or "fear of the workplace."
I don't have much anxiety associated with home chores or things required for personal maintenance. It's employment, especially paid employment, that generates the anxiety, brings forth the bad memories, and messes with my self-esteem.
Now, there may be some overlap with ergophobia and other mental health challenges such as social anxiety, agoraphobia and the like. These conditions indeed may impact one's ability to go shopping, wash the dog, etc.
In general, however, I believe that ergophobia is "fear of the workplace." It's a complex constellation of fear around the kinds of situations and experiences that are associated with employment, jobs, and workplaces.
If ergophobia was simply "fear of work," the sufferer would not do much of anything, and they would fear purposeful activities in general. This might be seen as laziness or being amotivational.
If ergophobia was the "fear of work," would the person with ergophobia mow their lawn, get their dishes done, do their laundry, wash the dog, or make home repairs? These activities are work, aren't they?
I submit that ergophobia is more precisely defined as "fear of employment", or "fear of the workplace."
I don't have much anxiety associated with home chores or things required for personal maintenance. It's employment, especially paid employment, that generates the anxiety, brings forth the bad memories, and messes with my self-esteem.
Now, there may be some overlap with ergophobia and other mental health challenges such as social anxiety, agoraphobia and the like. These conditions indeed may impact one's ability to go shopping, wash the dog, etc.
In general, however, I believe that ergophobia is "fear of the workplace." It's a complex constellation of fear around the kinds of situations and experiences that are associated with employment, jobs, and workplaces.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Bad Elevator Dream Again
Two nights ago I had the elevator nightmare again. It woke me up out of a sound sleep. I was so glad to wake up and get out of that dream.
In this dream, I suddenly realized I was in an elevator. There was another person, a stranger, who was also in the elevator. Voices from the outside were yelling, "Don't press any buttons!" just as he was pressing a button. He dashed out and escaped, leaving me alone.
Then I looked around, and the elevator had gotten smaller, and it was a wooden box about 5 feet across and 8 feet high, with only a little spool-like button on the wall. There wasn't much air in there, and I felt like I was suffocating. Then I woke up, thankfully.
These dreams often happen when I am thinking about workplaces a lot, or having negative feelings about them. So I see it as a signal to examine this.
In this dream, I suddenly realized I was in an elevator. There was another person, a stranger, who was also in the elevator. Voices from the outside were yelling, "Don't press any buttons!" just as he was pressing a button. He dashed out and escaped, leaving me alone.
Then I looked around, and the elevator had gotten smaller, and it was a wooden box about 5 feet across and 8 feet high, with only a little spool-like button on the wall. There wasn't much air in there, and I felt like I was suffocating. Then I woke up, thankfully.
These dreams often happen when I am thinking about workplaces a lot, or having negative feelings about them. So I see it as a signal to examine this.
My Work Hours Increased: 20 Hours a Week
As I have mentioned before, I am working at a temporary/transitional part time job at a non-profit that works with people with mental illness. I will now be working 20 hours a week (at first it was 10, then 15, and now 20.)
It will be interesting to see how this goes. I feel kind of optimistic about it. I like the idea of being able to work and actually be reasonably contented.
My work is mainly data entry, mailings/email, and general office tasks such as updating forms, filing, keeping supplies organized, etc. I've been told I'm doing a great job.
A few times there have been staff meetings (10 people), and I haven't said much, and felt awkward. I don't think I appeared as shy as I felt. Most of the other people weren't saying much either, though; it was mainly the Executive Director talking. I got a slightly queasy stomach which resulted in growling, rumbling sounds that I hoped nobody noticed. That happens to me a lot in group meetings.
There have been times in my life where I managed to express my opinions, whether or not they were similar to other people's opinions. Unfortunately I worry about being rejected on this basis. I know I often think differently from others around me. And I know I really don't get the social "rules"- what do I do about that?
It will be interesting to see how this goes. I feel kind of optimistic about it. I like the idea of being able to work and actually be reasonably contented.
My work is mainly data entry, mailings/email, and general office tasks such as updating forms, filing, keeping supplies organized, etc. I've been told I'm doing a great job.
A few times there have been staff meetings (10 people), and I haven't said much, and felt awkward. I don't think I appeared as shy as I felt. Most of the other people weren't saying much either, though; it was mainly the Executive Director talking. I got a slightly queasy stomach which resulted in growling, rumbling sounds that I hoped nobody noticed. That happens to me a lot in group meetings.
There have been times in my life where I managed to express my opinions, whether or not they were similar to other people's opinions. Unfortunately I worry about being rejected on this basis. I know I often think differently from others around me. And I know I really don't get the social "rules"- what do I do about that?
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