One of my recurring fears relating to work is being afraid that jobs will cause me to lose my self. Let me try to explain.
What this looks like for me: When I spend a fair amount of effort in any kind of repetitive work-like tasks, such as data entry, accounting, database searches, etc., I often feel that my own thoughts are vanquished, and somehow my self, or my me-ness, or identity, is lost.
I then feel like I don't exist during those periods.
I have a hard time returning to my own thoughts and sense of existence and identity after prolonged periods of external work, particularly if the tasks aren't intrinsically interesting to me. I go blank and feel mentally drained, sometimes physically drained also.
It can feel like losing my life a little at a time. Depression feels similarly to me. There's a sense of mental blankness and feeling less than fully alive. I feel like I am "not present."
I don't understand why this happens. Nor have I heard other people describe feeling this way about their jobs.
It's been happening to me again lately, now that I'm working. The more I work, the more I have these detached feelings of unreality. It's a very weird feeling and it's not one I feel I can fully describe or understand. Perhaps I will tell a therapist about this, or try to research what the hell this is.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
I Had an Automatic Positive Thought
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I learned about "Automatic Negative Thoughts" or "ANTs", as in "get rid of the ANTs." Examples of Automatic Negative Thoughts would be "If I go to the party, no one will talk to me, and I'll just want to leave," "No one will want to hire me," etc.
Well, the other day I was on the Internet, and came across some article saying that unemployed people over 50 are unemployable. And, guess what? I immediately thought that was bullshit. (After all, I'm over 50, and I got a job this year.)
I had an Automatic Positive Thought! How cool is that?
Well, the other day I was on the Internet, and came across some article saying that unemployed people over 50 are unemployable. And, guess what? I immediately thought that was bullshit. (After all, I'm over 50, and I got a job this year.)
I had an Automatic Positive Thought! How cool is that?
Monday, January 14, 2013
Fear of Being Evaluated
One of the major contributing factors to my ergophobia is my fear of being evaluated or judged. This includes not only performance evaluations and testing situations, but virtually any situation in which I feel that another person is assessing me in any way.
I feel very self-conscious when I perceive this to be happening. It also worries me. I often think the other person might have inaccurate ideas about me. Sometimes I also am concerned about the other person's accurate perceptions about me: that there may be things about me that could result in their poor treatment of me.
Sometimes I have a strong desire to just disappear or become invisible.
I feel very self-conscious when I perceive this to be happening. It also worries me. I often think the other person might have inaccurate ideas about me. Sometimes I also am concerned about the other person's accurate perceptions about me: that there may be things about me that could result in their poor treatment of me.
Sometimes I have a strong desire to just disappear or become invisible.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Dumb Interview/Screening Questions
Tonight I decided to take a look at some job ads on Craigslist just to see what might be out there. In a job for a cleaning company, the hiring manager requested that applicants send an email with answers to several questions.
The question that made me laugh out loud was, "What does a sense of urgency mean to you?"
To me, it means I need to find the bathroom fast!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
"Office jobs are......"
It's fun to play with Google. I sometimes enjoy entering random phrases or strings of words, just to see what comes up. Google is my oracle (oracle as in fortune teller- Oracle of Delphi- not the software company.)
A few minutes ago, I entered "office jobs are" into Google.
Google immediately translated this into the following suggestions:
office jobs are boring
office jobs are depressing
office jobs are terrible
office jobs are so boring
The first entries below these suggestions are:
Weird...these are pretty much my thoughts on the subject. But does it have to be that way? I really think it doesn't. I think this should change.
A few minutes ago, I entered "office jobs are" into Google.
Google immediately translated this into the following suggestions:
office jobs are boring
office jobs are depressing
office jobs are terrible
office jobs are so boring
The first entries below these suggestions are:
How can people with boring office jobs enjoy them so much? - Yahoo ...
answers.yahoo.com › All Categories › Arts & Humanities › PhilosophyCached
10 answers - Aug 6, 2011
Top answer: Bahaha vanilla, sure. Because an office job is so hard to get. I think the reason is that these people aren't especially intelligent. They're not talented ...
Is office work always boring or not? - 2 answers - Jun 3, 2009Can anyone tell me some boring office jobs? - 2 answers - Jan 8, 2009At 9-5 boring office jobs, is it easy to slack off ? - 6 answers - Nov 9, 2008Why are office jobs so boring? - 6 answers - Jul 30, 2006
Get more discussion results
Anyone else work a boring, dull office job? - Ultimate Metal Forum
www.ultimatemetal.com › ... › Heavy Metal Forums › Andy Sneap › BarCached
40 posts - 14 authors - Jun 17, 2009
I do, and I feel like laying my head down and sleeping at the moment. The boredom and general stir-craziness that consume me on a daily ...Get more discussion results
Weird...these are pretty much my thoughts on the subject. But does it have to be that way? I really think it doesn't. I think this should change.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
"She Probably Thinks I'm a Dumb Clerical Person"
As I've mentioned previously, I managed to get a part-time job. For the most part, this is a good thing. Does this mean I'm not ergophobic any more? Definitely not!
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I have learned to watch for negative thoughts, especially negative self talk. When I find that I am engaging in negative self talk, I try to redirect my thoughts to a more positive outlook.
For example, I was thinking about a new co-worker, and I thought, "She probably thinks I'm a dumb clerical person." Do I have any real evidence of this? No, I don't. If she's not seeking me out, maybe she's busy, or perhaps she's shy herself.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, I have learned to watch for negative thoughts, especially negative self talk. When I find that I am engaging in negative self talk, I try to redirect my thoughts to a more positive outlook.
For example, I was thinking about a new co-worker, and I thought, "She probably thinks I'm a dumb clerical person." Do I have any real evidence of this? No, I don't. If she's not seeking me out, maybe she's busy, or perhaps she's shy herself.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Fear of Work, or Fear of the Workplace?
Many sources describe ergophobia as "fear of work." To me, this is not quite accurate.
If ergophobia was simply "fear of work," the sufferer would not do much of anything, and they would fear purposeful activities in general. This might be seen as laziness or being amotivational.
If ergophobia was the "fear of work," would the person with ergophobia mow their lawn, get their dishes done, do their laundry, wash the dog, or make home repairs? These activities are work, aren't they?
I submit that ergophobia is more precisely defined as "fear of employment", or "fear of the workplace."
I don't have much anxiety associated with home chores or things required for personal maintenance. It's employment, especially paid employment, that generates the anxiety, brings forth the bad memories, and messes with my self-esteem.
Now, there may be some overlap with ergophobia and other mental health challenges such as social anxiety, agoraphobia and the like. These conditions indeed may impact one's ability to go shopping, wash the dog, etc.
In general, however, I believe that ergophobia is "fear of the workplace." It's a complex constellation of fear around the kinds of situations and experiences that are associated with employment, jobs, and workplaces.
If ergophobia was simply "fear of work," the sufferer would not do much of anything, and they would fear purposeful activities in general. This might be seen as laziness or being amotivational.
If ergophobia was the "fear of work," would the person with ergophobia mow their lawn, get their dishes done, do their laundry, wash the dog, or make home repairs? These activities are work, aren't they?
I submit that ergophobia is more precisely defined as "fear of employment", or "fear of the workplace."
I don't have much anxiety associated with home chores or things required for personal maintenance. It's employment, especially paid employment, that generates the anxiety, brings forth the bad memories, and messes with my self-esteem.
Now, there may be some overlap with ergophobia and other mental health challenges such as social anxiety, agoraphobia and the like. These conditions indeed may impact one's ability to go shopping, wash the dog, etc.
In general, however, I believe that ergophobia is "fear of the workplace." It's a complex constellation of fear around the kinds of situations and experiences that are associated with employment, jobs, and workplaces.
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